I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just forgot I was standing up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
