I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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