So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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