They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
