I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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