I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize