you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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