is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.