dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together