Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?