How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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