I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
