i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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