Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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