you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
