The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
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My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
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This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.