"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits