I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
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my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?