she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever