I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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