you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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