I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
