I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...