Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
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I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
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I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more