And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.