break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.