So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence