I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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