I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize