Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize