I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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