she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
