do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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