I like to think it a success when the cops are called
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
