I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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