we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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