this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize