Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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