i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize