I'm going to jail i love you
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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