Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
