I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize