You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
