I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"