they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!