Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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