Can Purell be used as lube?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
