Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
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You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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