i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
