maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.