I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.