Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets