I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.