Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
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found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"