Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.