I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?