my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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