yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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