I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.