i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
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You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot