I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.