Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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