So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish i was in the wii world.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
