Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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