I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?