Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.