I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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