The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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