Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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