Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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