FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my being single is dangerous.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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